through the storm.

26 10 2010

I remember it well and it has fundamentally changed who I am.

I remember my heart breaking the day that we found out that there was something seriously wrong with our son. There was a chance he wouldn’t live once he was born. If he did survive, there were no guarantees as to what quality of life he would have. Would he ever walk? Talk? We wouldn’t know. We had to wait.

Those months were hard. They were very hard. The uncertainty surrounding our son’s birth, financial difficulty, and my husbands’ chronic nerve pain were all weighing heavily on our little family. I remember it was around that time we starting singing this song at church:

You Never Let Go

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death

Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I’m caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won’t turn back
I know you are near

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We’ll live to know You here on the earth

Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You

I am a singer. It is a huge part of who I am. But, when we would sing this song at church, I just couldn’t. I would just cry and look up to God. It was all I could do. I was terrified, scared to death. Would we survive this? Would I ever care about things like paint colors, and performing, and going to the movies again? I couldn’t see it. I honestly couldn’t even imagine it. Life was so incredibly hard. And I was in so much pain. But, I knew what the Bible said:
“I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.”-Isaiah 43:2
I knew that God was walking right with me. I knew He was still worthy of being praised, even if I was hurt and angry. So, I chose to praise Him. I chose to hold his hand. I was weak. He was strong for me (2 Corinthians 12:10). Time passed slowly and then, our son was born.
So many beautiful, wonderful people rallied around our family when Miles was came.  People did things that we will never forget.  People did the kind of things that restore your faith in humanity; our friends, family, church family, even strangers.  I think a lot of people really didn’t understand the seriousness of his condition until they saw him. It was obvious. It was serious. It was a lot to deal with. But once Miles was here, life was so much easier. Sure there were the Doctor’s appointments, surgeries, and therapies, but we had Miles.
Let me say that again…we had Miles.
We prayed and prayed that our baby would be normal. He is not. Miles is extraordinary. It is a huge privilege to be his mother. Having him here on this earth with us seems too good to be true. I would gladly take any amount of pain, suffering, uncertainty, financial loss to spend just one day with those sweet blue eyes. It has been a hard journey, one that is far from over, but I would do it all again in a heart beat.
I am proud to say that we are through the storm. We are on the other side. It feels so good. I know we will have storms in the future. Next time around, we will be better equipped and we will know first hand that with God all things are possible (Matthew 19:26). My hope is that someone who is going through a storm right now might read this. Someone who can not even see through the clouds to the other side. Stretch that weak hand up to God and hold on. He will never let go.
*Song lyrics by Matt Redman



9 responses

26 10 2010

beautiful Sherri! Absolutely beautiful! I love that song!

Love this post! This one needs to be “your message” to people pregnant with a hydro baby! It gives hope!!

26 10 2010
Amy Grynol

What a great post!! With all Brad and I have been going through, it’s fair to characterize our lives as “overcast.”. Every time the sky starts looking a little gloomier, I’ll think of your post and the peace and calm you now enjoy, and know that God is walking with us on this journey.

26 10 2010
Brad Gibbs

I can totally relate to the part where you wondered if you would care about things like going to the movies ever again. Right now I feel so far removed from all that kind of stuff that I used to think was important. I know God will get us to where you are but it really helps to see that you made it through and are at a happier place. When we were walking the halls of the hospital today going to the perinatologist, I told Amy that it was obvious to me that all of the hydro parents view their kids as blessings and gifts from God so we just needed to remember we have good things in store for us. Your post proved it! Thanks!

27 10 2010
Rebecca Lee

Thanks I needed that!!

27 10 2010

You have no idea how much I needed this right now. Thank you.

28 10 2010


That’s a sweet sigh of peace and joy I feel from your words. Just beautiful Sherri. You captured your heart, true and pure, perfectly through words. That’s not always easy to do. And you did it well in an inspiring way. I agree with Jill, this could be your “message” to families expecting a hydro baby.

28 10 2010

Beautiful words!

Miles is a wonderful boy and you are an awesome Mommy!

28 10 2010

It’s so much easier to type while crying, than to talk while crying. That’s an amazing threshold for a believer, when we realize that loving, trusting, and praising God is more than a feeling or emotion, but a decision.

28 10 2010

Thank you Sherri. I do not know you personally, but I follow your blog to read about your sweet Miles. My son also has hydrocephalus. He is so very similar to Miles. I remember feeling the same way, and yet I wouldn’t trade it for anything. My son is amazing, and I thank God for picking me to be his mommy.

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